Horrible Christmas Fashions

Posted on December 15, 2011


By Jason Noonan

Christmas, never is there a time all year that all I want is for everything to be over and done with, I hate it with a passion. But even I need some Christmas cheer and I have found it, so I present to you the Terrible Christmas Fashions this year.

Shoes, jackets, pets, sweaters, Christ help us the sweaters.

It seems no form of fashion is safe from the jolly colours of red and green. When Christmas calls someone has to spew the Christmas cheer all over any garment in sight, and trust me, someone, somewhere actually thinks it’s appropriate and great for Christmas.

So let’s dive right in with a cracker (Terrible Christmas pun) first we have a pair of shoes modelled after a reindeer:


Take a moment… bright red, green nose on the end of the two, a pair of eyes and a pair of antlers to make your ankles look like they have wings. Unfortunately I was unable to find a price for these beauties but I would hope to not see these actually worn any time soon, but I expect Primark to start selling them as novelty gifts in the near future.

Next we move to sweaters and really it doesn’t get any cheesier:


The picture is a bit on the small side, so for your sake the animals on the sweater are a cat, a mouse and a skunk. Skunks have no place in Christmas and when we begin to incorporate them in our clothing there will soon be a movie, I’m sick of seeing animated animals showing me how Christmas should be celebrated. It appears to also be a combination of a holter neck and a knitted vest top, this is wrong and if this product ever goes on sale we must burn all of them.

Moving swiftly on, we have a dog dressed as Santa:


Animal cruelty comes in many forms. This is bad, very bad, the dog looks so sad, why any pet store would sell this is beyond me. I don’t agree with anyone who dresses their dog up, but as Santa, they deserve a fate equal to Christ himself. Even Jesus would slap someone for dressing their dog up in this.

This picture deserves an award of some kind:


Sweaters, scarves, knitted vest AND A GOAT IN A SANTA HAT. This is it, if Christmas fashion could ever be summed up to anything it’s that when you wear it, you always look uncomfortable and even a goat in a Santa hat looks better than you.

So what have we learned, dogs do not deserve to be put through Christmas, sweaters are always wrong and we may have found a pair of shoes that no woman would ever buy (Last sexist comment of 2011). So on that Bombshell I leave you to have a great Christmas and a happier new year, I’m away to cook up lamb chops and shout at Jamie Oliver’s ugly face on the TV.

Posted in: Opinion Pieces